Note to self

but you were 

born 

a festival.

why miss a 

chance 

to celebrate 

yourself.

_____

Translucence

shutting out the wars 

in my head,

tonight I choose to curl up

in

your

fleeting

memories.
______

Trajectory.

I was not ready when it cascaded fiercely along my delicate contours, leaving behind traces of imagination. I was not ready when it left me bleak and bereft of lustre. It was unnerving and I was afraid. I was afraid to see my bare reflection. I was afraid because I felt cold, seeping through the pores of this empty brittle skin. But it cascaded, as abruptly as it had surged through the slender frame of my ribs, reaching the center point of every moment which made me feel alive. I watched it grow atop all of me and I watched it abandon all of me, graciously undulating with every breath.

It. 

It was hope. It was patience. It was strength to drag myself out of the unending labyrinth. I know I have not gone entirely mad, there is still a dissenting piece of sanity which belongs to me, which thrives on me but perhaps this raging sea is the only calm I need as I sculpt myself into a formidable piece of beauty.

_______

So far so good.

I like waking up in the middle of the night when it is still dark outside. I like waking up to this feeling that I have a few more hours to sleep before I leave for work. It's been almost three months since I began my professional career as a lawyer and I am still getting the hang of it. Every now and then,  some of my colleagues come up to me to share their wise suggestions on how to survive in this field and how to deal with office politics. It is not as unusual as I used to think initially, but there is one common thing which I've been told too many times: Not to trust anyone here. 

It is funny because whenever someone tells me this, the first thing that comes to my mind is "Okay, so I shouldn't trust you too right!." For now, I think I am doing fine by not getting too involved in the world of so called smart people. I like being detached. It is so much better than indulging myself in forced office camaraderie. 

But you know what there are good things too. Like:

a. I have full independence to splurge and it is hundred times more satisfying when you do that with your self-earned money.

b. I can't wait to start travelling without any guilt because again, this independence is sweeter than I could've ever imagined and also because, travel is the only thing I know that can keep me sane apart from poetry, of course.

c. I love it when someone asks whether I am a student and how surprised they look when I tell them that no, I'm a lawyer. Needless to say, five years of law college were totally worth it.

In other news, I am obsessing over the latest album Honeymoon by Lana Del Rey and High by the beach is my favorite of all, especially because of this badass music video. 

________

How are you all doing?

xo

Perhaps

the problem is,

we are all

living

a beautiful story

but are

completely

unaware.

Of all the beautiful people out there

give yourself a chance first.

Be selfish 

before it is too late,

before your story fades to dust.

______

Note to self: Don't let the chaos consume whole of you.

Losing our self in the chaos
is like losing the little spark of fire
that we have

and there is nothing worse
than extinguishing
the only thing
that could light us into a star.
________

A lot more love

Let yourself walk away from you

away from your fears, your apprehensions, your faith, your inbound love.

Let yourself wander fearlessly beyond the faintly visible stars

and maybe one day 

when you return,

the void which you had carried all through the life

would be filled with a lot more love

than you ever needed.

________

Picture Source: self 

Feed your soul with places you have never been to, with people you have never known, with moments you have never lived and watch yourself grow.. 

into a more beautiful you.

________

Picture source: self

Things I have been wanting to share.

• I started this blog just a week before stepping into law school and that was five long years ago. My college life is over, I'm officially a graduate. I'm officially a lawyer!
• I'm growing up too fast and I don't like it at all. Adulthood is scary, it is messed up and there is always too much to do. It's been more than a month since I turned 23 and it is as crazy as it was last year or the year before that. Honestly, I think in my head, I stopped growing up after 16.
• I got a job, like a real job in the real world and I am not yet accustomed to this feeling of having my own visiting cards that say that I'm an Associate. It is a lot to take in and I think I'm going to forget about it for a while.
• My brother visited us in June and gave my parents an out of this world surprise just by appearing one night. It was such a beautiful moment when I saw my mom scream and burst into tears as bhaiya walked in. Dad was in another city, so he refused to believe till we made a video call. And I.. well I managed the whole surprise by keeping the news with myself for two weeks, which was undoubtedly the toughest task. Somebody appreciate me please.
• A few days back, I received a mail which said that in some survey, Mirage has been selected among the Top 15 Personal Blogs in India, and that left me thrilled. To read somebody else's thoughts on my blog, on Mirage, it is a beautiful feeling. Of course, those thoughts have to be beautiful to make that feeling beautiful. eeeeep!
• And and, I'm going to bed now. I wanted to watch Game of Thrones today, but I couldn't because like I said, in grown-ups world, there is always too much to do and it is already midnight. And I have office tomorrow. Uh! Why can't I just refuse to grow up.
• Anyway, it feels great to share this with you.
• Thank you for reading.
• I love you.
• Here's a goodnight kiss.
• Go now.
• Shooo.