Wednesday, December 29, 2010
This is for the first time I'm writing a letter to you. I thought to give you an idea how you made me feel this year because after all, you deserve to know every bit of it.
So starting from the beginning of the year till somewhere around August, you were, kind of, very cruel to me. With more downs than ups, you shuddered me inside out, zillion of times. From board exams to entrances, from results to despondency, from concrete dreams to wavered paths, nothing was easy. People said not to worry as it's a part of life. I tamely listened. I did not complain at all and bore it with all my strength. Things were agonizingly tough. And I'm not exaggerating it when I say that I was on the verge of losing control of the 'I' in me. God, this was the worst thing that happened to me in 2010. I know that all the bumps which you placed, were for my own benefit. They taught me so many lessons and turned me into a stronger and more experienced girl. But what I did not like is the fact that somehow, most of the months passed in a monotonously dull and dark way. It was like an unequal balance between the dosage of good and bad times. And you very well know which side was heavier.
Anyway, after the beginning of my college, things began to fall into place. At a slow and steady pace, you took a novel turn. I enjoyed the change or rather the masqueraded 'stability' which you offered me. So it was like after a long time, you finally showed some mercy on me and made me happy and content. Thank you so much for that :)
Now, let me cut the long story short. My dear life, you have troubled me pretty much this year and now that I've learnt some lessons, I want you to fill the emptied holes with lots of happiness, goodies, love and peace. I want to enjoy my every single moment sans your unnecessary bumps. I want to stenghthen my confidence and gain back full control of the 'I' in me. All in all, I want you to make 2011 one of the best years of my life. And I really hope that you won't disappoint me. Right?
Anyway, I should now end my first letter to you. Don't worry, I'll keep in touch and keep giving you updates. Till then, please do take care of me. :)
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
With lots of expectations
Friday, December 24, 2010
Few days back, while I was trying to study and concentrate on my Legal Methods' notes (externals are round the corner, actually), I came up with a beautiful line.
"Beneath a facade of scarred thoughts, there's always a subtle satiny desire."
My friends laugh at me when I say that 'nobody is bad'. They say that I'm blind-folded and I don't know anything. They say that the world is full of back-stabbers and that there are hardly any genuine persons left. I disagree with this negative belief. I disagree because I strongly believe that behind every wrong thought there is always a camouflaged positivity.
It's true that we all are different souls and so we all tend to have different perception. What looks good to me might look weird and pathetic to another or vice-verse. But if one tries to look through someone else's view point then it is possible to justify a 'scarred thought'. It's simple to understand. If I say that so-and-so person doesn't have basic civic sense and say crap about the same then what is important to note here is that somewhere down the line I have this 'subtle desire' to make that person behave 'normally' which he/she is not doing...according to my own perception. Or let me take another example...another 'scarred thought'....envy. Hmm...very common! So if I am envious of some XYZ then one should try to see the positive desire of mine which says "Whoa...this person is lucky...I so want to be like him/her". But unconsciously, we all close the eyes to the good side and simply highlight the dark and bleak side. As a result, we end up thinking that others are ill-willed personalities.
I know such a deep thought don't help always...like in everyday situations but it surely does when one feels low and dull. At least to me, it does. Like a refuge...like my own mirage of beauty and peace....where all are good, where everyone love each other, no fights, no cries, no negativity, no fear. A mirage which shows me that all are happy and I'm happy.
This is why I believe in what I think. This is why I say that life as a mirage is beautiful...life as MY mirage is beautiful. :)
Anyway friends, I think it's enough for now and plus it's Christmas time...so let's keep all our worries aside and enjoy. And my dear Santa...I hope this time you'll get me some good marks cause it's the need of the hour. :P :D
Ho ho ho....MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! =)
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Few days back, one of my childhood friends, who happens to study here in Delhi, asked me to meet him on 7th. I was so looking forward for the same because we had not met for more than two long years. Trust me, the feeling one gets after meeting an old friend is out-of-this-world. It was as if I have left all the hustle-bustle of my life and have stepped back into my beautiful childhood days when we used to play together, bicker about something or other and spend all the time together. He's still the same, irritating, stupid but really sweet person whom I'd first met when we were in grade two. And so the 'good' part of the day had begun. We recollected so many weird and funny incidents which had lost their way in our memory lane and I realized that one should not really mess up with good childhood friends because they know a lot about you and of course, your most embarrassing incidents and that could be dangerous. Ha-ha.. :D
Anyway, I should not worry about it. It's not that I've never had any embarrassing moments. I did have many but I know he won't blackmail me with the same...I hope he's reading this ;)
So all in all, I enjoyed a lot.
Then came the second half.
I wonder how certain desires destroy some really pure relations like friendship (yeah..for me friendship is one of the most pure relations) which usually forms the base of any other relation in this world. How could he even think of breaking this bond? And by 'he' I mean a very good friend of mine who, because of some reason asked me to get out of his life. I'm sorry I cannot really write the actual reason behind it but one thing I can say is that it is so damn unjustified. I mean I cannot even imagine that he's gone. I can no more call him my friend. It's hard for me to let go this relation and that too all of a sudden....it is really very hard. And I know it's equally hard for that idiot but why in the world did he come up with this thought? And after pestering him not to do the same, I finally gave up. I was or rather i still am, so heart-broken to know that I am making his life harder than it already is. It hurts a lot when a very good friend says this and that too when you know that you haven't done anything wrong. But I fulfilled his desire and freed him from this bond and ended the chapter. :(
So this is what happened after I came back from a wonderful evening. This big bolt turned my heart upside down. As the day came to an end, I was totally confused. I did not know how and what to feel. Was I supposed to be happy for meeting an old friend after so long or sad for losing a very good friend? I still don't know...may be losing a friend is more painful. Yes..it is. That is why today I was not in the best mood. That is why I felt dull and low.
I don't know what's in store for me in the near future..nobody knows actually. I just pray that everything goes well and my stupid, idiot friend comes back as soon as possible :)
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
"I and my seven friend were residing in one flat during our training days. It was so much fun. You cannot even imagine the height of enjoyment we used to have. And don't you dare take it otherwise...ha-ha.." I winked.
"Well...now that you have specifically mentioned it...I think..." Just as she was about to say anything further. I interrupted her.
"No no girl...don't think much. It was nothing like that. The kine of enjoyment I'm talking about is something like..umm...okay here's an incident.
I remember we had a short session that day and were given an off early in the afternoon. It was pretty obvious that we did not want to waste that special leave just by going back home. So one of my friends, Ankur, who was also my best mate, came out with a wonderful idea to go to the famous Hookah Place. We all immediately agreed upon the same and directly headed there. the place was really costly and believe me we did not even have enough to pay the bill."
"But you and your friens would have checked the same beforehand."
"Well yeah...but then that adventurous day would not have happened. You just keep listening na."
"So Nishant, another friend. told one of the staff members that he has to get some cash from the ATM to pay the bill and he would be back in half an hour or so. That person agreed and asked the rest of us to wait downstairs. And just when no one was watching us, we all slyly came out of that place and jumped into the nearest taxi. Ha-ha...that cab driver thought that we were some kind of criminals and he started blabbering incessantly to leave him alone...he has a family...don't want to die...and blah. While on the other hand we all were begging him to drive fast as we obviously did not want to get thrashed up. It was a hilarious scene and like complete idiots we laughed and laughed a lot."
"Hahahaha....it was more of a filmy scene."
"Yeah you can say that. And it is glued to the list of rib-tickling events in my life."
"I didn't know that you were so fun-loving and a crazy guy. Nice surprise." She said.
"Yeah...that's how I used to be during my training days and I have many such out-of-this-world incidents."
"But why? I mean why have you changed?"
"I haven't changed. It's just that I've gained more stability in life. May be because of the work pressure or may be something else."
"yeah...umm...may be it happened because of Neha."
"Now who is this girl who has changed you immensely?"
"Don't say she changed me. She just helped me grow into a new level of maturity."
"Alright Siddharth. But I want to know about her. Who is she?"
"Neha was my friend. We were in the same team during our training days. I won't say that she was the prettiest girl that I'd ever seen but yeah she was the most beautiful girl. Hope you get the difference."
"Yeah. I got it. You continue." She smiled.
"She was not like a typical girl as far as her likes and dislikes were concerned. For example- she did not like wearing make-up, did not like shopping, she loved bikes and once even shared her desire to ride a bike. She was a vivacious and a fun-loving girl and believe me I used to forget all my tensions when was with her."
"Wow. Now that is so sweet. But what happened? Where is she now days?"
"It all happened on that fateful day when I decided to confront my feelings. We both were like best of friends and shared almost anything and everything. She once told me about her crush on one of our colleague in the office. I don't know why I took it casually. May be because my heart never accepted the fact that she could love someone else or be close to someone else other than me.
This mirage of unreasonable belief did not last long. It was shattered into pieces on the day I proposed her.
Due to some work pressure and over-time tasks, we had not properly conversed for almost two weeks. And to my surprise, a lot had happened in her life during that period."
"Umm.... Just a minute." She interrupted me to attend a call from her mother. "yeah ma, I'll be back in another half an hour. Don't worry. Alright, see you."
"I'm sorry for breaking the tempo. Anyway, you continue." She took the last sip of her coffee and waited for me to start.
"That is okay. So I was telling you that after those two weeks, things had taken a new direction. I remember her calling me around one in the morning and expressing her desire to meet me the next day to share something special. She sounded happy but I had no idea what that special thing could be. In my mind, I'd thought it was high time for me to confess my feelings for her. So it was an important day for both of us..."
Today, after my friend left, I realized that somehow, narrating her 'The Neha incident' of my life made me feel lighter. It is for the first time that I'd shared the same with a third person. Neha's rejection of my proposal as she had already said 'Yes' for marriage to her love...that same colleague, was no less than a hard bolt for me. And what further deteriorated my situation was the fact that I'd nobody with whom I could share it. But today, I fell a lot more positive and content than before. It's like a big cloud that had over-shadowed my purpose to live and enjoy life had finally stepped aside.
Neha was a nice girl...I agree. But I guess she wasn't the right one for me. And I think that my friend is right in saying that I should not feel sad for failing once but rather be happy because there is surely someone even better for me. So I guess it's like a good deal...right? ;)
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Friday, September 10, 2010
P.S: This is Kajal and me in the photo. And I'm sure my other two girl friends, Nikita and Bhumika, are going to kill me when they'll see that I haven't written about them...hehehe... :D :D
Don't worry girls, you two are also my soul sisters and you know this. Love you all a lot :) <3
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
"Oh dear God, I wish everything goes well tonight. You know na I've never been to such parties of elite and this is not just a party, it’s a big night for me…and for Brian specially. Please God, give me some strength to face his entire clan. I've never been a cynosure of all eyes and this is my first experience. I don’t want to give them a chance to reject me. I don’t want them to say that Brian could find a lot better girls than me. What if they call me down-market or say that I don’t deserve to be a part of them. No...they can’t be so contemptuous. Ok now Audrey....stop pondering over it....stop being a pessimist jerk...just relax...*phew*..."
"Cor! Look at you. You look so gorgeous....*sigh*...I think I’ve fallen for you again." Brian said
She gave him a jittery look and hugged him fervidly.
"Hey... don’t be nervous. My mom is not a Hitler. In fact she's super excited to meet you...asked me for your photograph but I said no you'll meet her at the party only. And don’t worry I won't leave you even for a minute... I'm here with you always." He said kissing her forehead.
"By the way girl, now I’m getting nervous 'coz I know nobody's going to watch me when I’ve such a pretty lady by my side." he giggled
"Oh Brian...I love you...and thanks for supporting me." she said and gave a big confident smile.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Well the journey is long...pretty long but with the winged dreams I'm all set to unfurl the surprises....all set to shine!!
Monday, August 16, 2010
Previous Day-23rd December, 2004
" OK now let me tell you the details once again. My flight AI 008C will leave at 3:15 in the afternoon and i'll reach Delhi by 7:00 pm. From there we will go to your favorite restaurant and will celebrate our anniversary"
"Anniversary? oh yeah...its been 1 month since we tied knots. You remembered it. That is so sweet"
"Of course i did. And ma'am this is the reason i'm coming two days earlier...just to be with you on the special day. OK now I've got to go. See you tomorrow"
"I miss you."
"Miss you too. take care."
Before going to the airport, she thought of buying a present for him. Having plenty of time in hand, she went to a store, bought a nice antique photo frame, selected a photograph which they once clicked during their courtship period and got the whole thing beautifully packed.
On reaching the airport at around 6:15 pm, she decided to have a cup of espresso but before that she went to check the status of his flight. She had no idea how the the next few minutes would change her life forever...
Flight No. From To Status
AI 008C Indonesia New Delhi Cancelled
It was hard for her to believe and she was still tingling with what her eyes saw when something even worse came out. She heard someone saying something about TSUNAMI. On turning her head around, she saw many people rushing in and out, frantically talking on phone, to their relatives may be, but she was still not able to make out what was going on till she saw the news herself
"A devastating tsunami has struck the Southern Asia and parts of East Africa. Lacs of people have been reported dead and missing and the major impact is seen in Indonesia, Sri Lanka and Maldives."
The news came as a bolt from the blue. She immediately dialed his number but it was not reachable. She called on a few more numbers which were of his colleagues but all were not reachable except one.
"Hello.....hello??.....", someone did pick up but his voice cracked and before she could even say something the call lost. She tried again and again....for hours. And after trying zillion of times, she waited...in despair...waited in vain...for her phone to ring. She waited for her husband to call and say that he's in the pink of his health and there's nothing to worry. But she never got any call from him.
Its been more then five years since her fate did a somersault and jolted her inside out. But as we say, life goes on, so has she. And going on doesn't only mean re-marrying. For she has found other ways to keep herself busy and to keep pace with her life.
Her husband's name was no where among the deceaseds'. He was still counted among the 37,000 missing people in Indonesia. And somewhere down the line, she believes that he'd show up and when that day would come, she would give him his present which she has kept safely with herself, packed with their beautiful memories.