Wednesday, December 29, 2010

A Hope-filled Letter.

Dear Life,

This is for the first time I'm writing a letter to you. I thought to give you an idea how you made me feel this year because after all, you deserve to know every bit of it.

So starting from the beginning of the year till somewhere around August, you were, kind of, very cruel to me. With more downs than ups, you shuddered me inside out, zillion of times. From board exams to entrances, from results to despondency, from concrete dreams to wavered paths, nothing was easy. People said not to worry as it's a part of life. I tamely listened. I did not complain at all and bore it with all my strength. Things were agonizingly tough. And I'm not exaggerating it when I say that I was on the verge of losing control of the 'I' in me. God, this was the worst thing that happened to me in 2010. I know that all the bumps which you placed, were for my own benefit. They taught me so many lessons and turned me into a stronger and more experienced girl. But what I did not like is the fact that somehow, most of the months passed in a monotonously dull and dark way. It was like an unequal balance between the dosage of good and bad times. And you very well know which side was heavier.

Anyway, after the beginning of my college, things began to fall into place. At a slow and steady pace, you took a novel turn. I enjoyed the change or rather the masqueraded 'stability' which you offered me. So it was like after a long time, you finally showed some mercy on me and made me happy and content. Thank you so much for that :)

Now, let me cut the long story short. My dear life, you have troubled me pretty much this year and now that I've learnt some lessons, I want you to fill the emptied holes with lots of happiness, goodies, love and peace. I want to enjoy my every single moment sans your unnecessary bumps. I want to stenghthen my confidence and gain back full control of the 'I' in me. All in all, I want you to make 2011 one of the best years of my life. And I really hope that you won't disappoint me. Right?

Anyway, I should now end my first letter to you. Don't worry, I'll keep in touch and keep giving you updates. Till then, please do take care of me. :)

With lots of expectations

Friday, December 24, 2010

Life as a Mirage.

           (This picture is not googled but clicked by me as I so love photography.)

Few days back, while I was trying to study and concentrate on my Legal Methods' notes (externals are round the corner, actually), I came up with a beautiful line.

"Beneath a facade of scarred thoughts, there's always a subtle satiny desire."

My friends laugh at me when I say that 'nobody is bad'. They say that I'm blind-folded and I don't know anything. They say that the world is full of back-stabbers and that there are hardly any genuine persons left. I disagree with this negative belief. I disagree because I strongly believe that behind every wrong thought there is always a camouflaged positivity.

It's true that we all are different souls and so we all tend to have different perception. What looks good to me might look weird and pathetic to another or vice-verse. But if one tries to look through someone else's view point then it is possible to justify a 'scarred thought'. It's simple to understand. If I say that so-and-so person doesn't have basic civic sense and say crap about the same then what is important to note here is that somewhere down the line I have this 'subtle desire' to make that person behave 'normally' which he/she is not doing...according to my own perception. Or let me take another example...another 'scarred thought'....envy. Hmm...very common! So if I am envious of some XYZ then one should try to see the positive desire of mine which says "Whoa...this person is lucky...I so want to be like him/her". But unconsciously, we all close the eyes to the good side and simply highlight the dark and bleak side. As a result, we end up thinking that others are ill-willed personalities.

I know such a deep thought don't help in everyday situations but it surely does when one feels low and dull. At least to me, it does. Like a my own mirage of beauty and peace....where all are good, where everyone love each other, no fights, no cries, no negativity, no fear. A mirage which shows me that all are happy and I'm happy.

This is why I believe in what I think. This is why I say that life as a mirage is as MY mirage is beautiful. :)

Anyway friends, I think it's enough for now and plus it's Christmas let's keep all our worries aside and enjoy. And my dear Santa...I hope this time you'll get me some good marks cause it's the need of the hour. :P :D

Ho ho ho....MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! =)

             (And this one is obviously googled...I found this little Santa really cute.)

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

A black and white day.

After a long, boring and monotonous day, I finally got some time to write about 7th of December i.e., yesterday. It was neither a very special day nor it holds any historic significance. It's just that I had a mixture of two extreme and completely opposite feelings and that too on a single day. One was good and the other was bad. It was like the whole day was equally divided into two halves and I call it a black and white day.

Few days back, one of my childhood friends, who happens to study here in Delhi, asked me to meet him on 7th. I was so looking forward for the same because we had not met for more than two long years. Trust me, the feeling one gets after meeting an old friend is out-of-this-world. It was as if I have left all the hustle-bustle of my life and have stepped back into my beautiful childhood days when we used to play together, bicker about something or other and spend all the time together. He's still the same, irritating, stupid but really sweet person whom I'd first met when we were in grade two. And so the 'good' part of the day had begun. We recollected so many weird and funny incidents which had lost their way in our memory lane and I realized that one should not really mess up with good childhood friends because they know  a lot about you and of course, your most embarrassing incidents and that could be dangerous. Ha-ha.. :D

Anyway, I should not worry about it. It's not that I've never had any embarrassing moments. I did have many but I know he won't blackmail me with the same...I hope he's reading this ;)
So all in all, I enjoyed a lot.

Then came the second half.
I wonder how certain desires destroy some really pure relations like friendship (yeah..for me friendship is one of the most pure relations) which usually forms the base of any other relation in this world. How could he even think of breaking this bond? And by 'he' I mean a very good friend of mine who, because of some reason asked me to get out of his life. I'm sorry I cannot really write the actual reason behind it but one thing I can say is that it is so damn unjustified. I mean I cannot even imagine that he's gone. I can no more call him my friend. It's hard for me to let go this relation and that too all of a is really very hard. And I know it's equally hard for that idiot but why in the world did he come up with this thought? And after pestering him not to do the same, I finally gave up. I was or rather i still am, so heart-broken to know that I am making his life harder than it already is. It hurts a lot when a very good friend says this and that too when you know that you haven't done anything wrong. But I fulfilled his desire and freed him from this bond and ended the chapter. :(

So this is what happened after I came back from a wonderful evening. This big bolt turned my heart upside down. As the day came to an end, I was totally confused. I did not know how and what to feel. Was I supposed to be happy for meeting an old friend after so long or sad for losing a very good friend? I still don't know...may be losing a friend is more painful. is. That is why today I was not in the best mood. That is why I felt dull and low.
I don't know what's in store for me in the near future..nobody knows actually. I just pray that everything goes well and my stupid, idiot friend comes back as soon as possible :)