I visited him yesterday. He is very weak, fragile and unconscious. His eyes are yellow because of Jaundice and are open since many days. He can't close them as the brain has almost stopped functioning. The doctors have discharged him from the hospital because they say that they have no idea how long he would be in this coma-like state and that there is nothing more they can do. No treatment, nothing!
The one thing which is good, is that he is no more in excruciating pain.
Earlier, I was told that I shouldn't see him in this condition as it would be too much to handle and this glum picture of his would be stuck in my memory forever. But they were wrong! It gave me so much satisfaction just to watch him there, lying in calmness and peace. Yes, he looked extremely delicate and frail but I did not fear even a bit. Why would I? He is my brother after all. So what, if at 40, his body is as weak as that of an old man's. It narrates a tale of his brave and valiant battle with the world's most dangerous form of cancer. It narrates a tale of his determination with which he tried his best to quell the bitch. Nobody could ever portray the kind of mettle spirit he did, during the past one year.
He is a lot more than an inspiration! To me, to the family and to his friends.
All through the months, even in immense pain, he always cradled a positive outlook. Having learnt the art of meditation, he detached himself from trivial, flimsy and all other kind of worries of the world.
Day before yesterday, my mother told me that out of many, the last thing which he taught her was not to love his body but his soul, his teachings and his way of life. For he will always be there in the heart.
Death has nothing to do with going away.
The sun sets
The moon sets
But they are not gone.
For both his daughters, he has left something so beautiful which I cannot put into fine words. He has written a diary filled with so many precious teachings for life. It is hard for me to express how moved I was when yesterday, I sat down in a room all alone, and read those pages. They gave me goosebumps! All I wanted to do was just read them over and over again and cry to them forever. I can only imagine how relieving those tears would be. Even now, while I'm making an attempt to tell you how soothing it was, I can't fight back this urge to read it once more. For that is the one thing which would be the most priceless asset: An exquisite father-daughter thing!
Here is a picture which I clicked sneakily.
We don't know how much time is left now. We don't know when we would get the impending news. Hope has faded into sheer nothingness. And yes! We all are preparing ourselves for the worst. Even his wife, the strongest of all, who always greets us with a big smile, has become the pillar of the family. She is a brave woman and doesn't stand a tinge of pity from anyone. Last evening, she told us how dearly my brother wished to have a little get-together with family and friends but his deteriorating condition disallowed him.
Anyway, as the day ended, I made a promise to myself to learn the art of meditation. I have already added it to my wish list and shall soon work towards fulfilling the same. As he, in the diary, wrote to his daughters that whenever life gets tough, just meditate and face it and it will be good again.
Love you beyond everything, brother!
On a lighter note, last evening, I received a lot of appreciation for my recently published poems. Of course, I, without a fail, kept flying higher and higher.
Wait, haven't I told you that I got published again? Yes!!! And this time it is an online magazine Tamarind Rice. Go search me and read my poems.