Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Hypocrisy Is In Our Veins.

Few days back, I was talking to a friend of mine (she's actually my roommate) about how India was a very broad-minded country and how its thinking was narrowed down because of the Mughal rule. Every time I think about it, I find it hard to believe that my ancestors were cool about love and sex. And here I'm talking about the era much much much before the Mughal Empire and before all that nonsense of pardah-system came into being and before a woman was treated not just as a piece to be protected and kept inside the four walls but as a symbol of Shakti.

Have you ever visited Ajanta Ellora caves or observed its carvings? Have you noticed how explicit they are apart from being one of the most amazing archaeological sites in India? Or Kamastura-a book written by Vatsyayana, an Indian. Or even the ‘Shivling’ which is a symbol of deity of Hindus i.e., Shiva and which represents the inseparability of the two genders and creation of life. Although our very own culture gives a divine nature to sex, we treat it as immoral. Ironical indeed.

Now let us come to the no-love-before-marriage cliché.

Love is something very godly. Yes? But we Indians have a different theory. We do find it divine but when it comes to our own children falling in love with someone else’s children we close our eyes and ears and go into an I-will-not-use-my-mind-no-matter-what mode. According to the views of our parents and their parents and so on, a person is selected for us and we are told to fall in love, marry that person and have sex with that person, procreate 3-4 children and make a happy family and lead a happy life. Wow! Such a well mechanised ideology. Huh.

Further, girls can hang out only with girls and boys can hang out only with boys till they are married off. A spark of doubt is ignited in their heads,the moment we tell our parents that we were with a friend of opposite gender.

And yes, how can I forget one more important notion which says that the seed of love can never sprout before marriage. It is a shame and should be crushed immediately if it does because the ideology tells us that it’s wrong. A spinster and a bachelor cannot fall in love. It is a slur. It is immoral. Ask them a reason and they will come up with ‘Tumhari abhi padhne ki umar hai’ (You are young and you should just study) or ‘Hum badhe hain, hume zada pata hai’ (We are elder to you, we know better).
Logic? Uhh...What’s that?

Sometimes I wonder that these simple things of life would have had an entirely different meaning if I were born in a nation of deep-seated and radical ideology, where I would have had freedom to not just SURVIVE on others’ terms and conditions, where this famous line ‘Do what your heart says’ would actually have carried some weight in my life and where people would have used their minds before using what had already been implanted in their heads by their ancestors.

“Only animals are told what is to be done and how it is to be done. We are no less than animals if we don’t use our brains.”, Divyank told me today.

How impossible
It is to live on our terms.
Damn! Hypocrisy.

The above Haiku has been written for the prompt #89 - Haiku Heights
Image source - deviantart


  1. Good piece, it's the same the world over, religion and politics dictate what one should or should not do, so called freedoms are often a mirage.

    I like the impossible Haiku, and the back story made interesting reading too.

  2. Arey hum toh bahut modern hai bhai. ;) Hum toh claim kartey hai ki hum se zyada open minded koi nahi. Hum Bharteeya hai aakhir. Doosre ke ghar mei nuks nikaalne ka shauk hai, apne ghar ki baat aaye toh saaari open mindedness Bhagwaan jaaney kaha jaati hai. :|
    I couldn't resist writing this in Hindi. When it comes to sex, when it comes to sleeping before marriage, when it comes to live in relationships, we shudder at the thought , even mention of them as if they're all diseases. And this Haiku is JUST the summarization of my feelings, and this post exactly how I feel.
    Question thy parents, question thy elders, and their response is indeed always something like, "Oh, you've grown old enough to question us?" and when you answer 'em back, its a stereotyped, "You're so ill mannered to answer me back." Damn.

  3. I was really thinking why every nation differs from another...I like the traditions or beliefs you have in your country except that part that you have to be marrying someone which your parents have chosen for you...

    Isn't that sad? how about if you have fallen in love with another one, not the one chosen by your parents?

    Thank God, I am from the Philippines and we are free to choose whom to be married with!

    I like what you have shared here, I learned so many things about India's culture and traditions...:)

  4. Its humiliating the way people gawk at you when you happen to walk down the lane with a guy giggling at the conversations. Its all the more pathetic when relatives act as spies and report it with masala offcourse to your parents.
    Loved this post!

  5. The Gooseberry GardenOctober 11, 2011 at 9:51 PM

    Welcome sharing your poetry with us, 1 to 3 poems , old or new, related or free style are welcome!

    Hope to see you in, Happy Tuesday!


  6. How true and how annoying at the same time. I will not spoil this with too many words...your title is apt "Hypocrisy is in our veins"

    PS: Very good post...you sound angry and I can feel it. *BIG Hug* :D

  7. So sincere, beautiful, and true. I really enjoyed this post. Thank you for sharing your culture and world. I suppose all young people feel the pressure of their society. I can relate to these feelings also especially when it comes to dating and being christian. Thanks for sharing!

  8. This is just SO true!
    And it's even more annoying when those apparent 'learned' elders say "Log kya kahenge". I mean aren't they the elder ones who know that you shouldn't care a damn about what others think?!

    I love the way you wrote this! :)
    Now following :D


  9. @ andy sewina
    Thank you for appreciating. :)

    @ Ruchi Jain
    Sadly, yes.

    @ Crystal
    And the worst part is we call ourselves a free nation.

  10. @ Amity
    Every coin has two sides. It's just that the negative side had irked me to the core that's why I came with this post.
    Thanks for dropping by! :)

    @ Red Handed

    yeah. And it cannot be changed.

  11. @ MSM
    Yes, I was. Super angry. And I really needed that hug...THANK YOU!! =)

    @ Magical Mystical Tree
    We are humans after all. :)

    @ The Write Girl
    Like I told to Amity, it's just the other side of the coin.
    Thanks for dropping by! :)

    @ Shagun Ohri
    I'm glad you too could feel the double standards of people.
    Thank you! :)

  12. Very well written! The barriers are self created and are manifestations of a closed mind!!

  13. Indeed!

    I give two hoots to society and the social stigma. They even ridicule the best of the best then why care for such a society. Live on your own terms, for their terms are filthy and fake.

    Chintu Singh

  14. What you've written here is not the case everywhere in India.:-)Parents these days are quite liberal minded.....yep,the stuff you described still happens....I see it sprout its ugly head here and there...but the concept of love before marriage is gaining much more acceptance these days...:-)

  15. You know, the subject of sex and love or relationships before marriage, is absolutely relative today. Having said this, I don't intend to generalize any point of view. See, all of us... you, me, the people who commented here... we all share the same viewpoint. Do you see a trend? More than 50% of India's population is above the age of 18 years and if that more than half of the population is cool about sex, marriage and for that matter the so-called "immoral" issues of Indian society then I think its a matter of relativity.

    I might be alright with having sex before I get married. You might have different opinions. Our parents will definitely have extreme viewpoints. But at the end of the day, its our life. You will not be entitled to say anything about mine, and neither will I have the right to comment on yours.

    So yeah!! Feminism can exist only if there's patriarchy. Similarly, opinions will clash when there is a question of morality.


  16. @ TheBluntBlogger

    If only it was easy to live on our own terms.
    Thank you! :)

  17. @ Rahul
    Hmm. Actually, I took a more subjective view of the thinking of the Indian society. And as far as my statistics are concerned, we are still ruled by the rural thinking more than the urban thinking.
    But I must say, the slight change in this trend is really appreciable. :)

  18. @ Shruti

    I agree to what you said that more than half of the population is above 50% but when situations arise or when viewpoint clashes between ours and that of the previous generations, we are not left with any option but to do what the parents tell us to. And that is where everything turns to zero.
    The life which we says is ours carries no weight and hence no importance.

    Sadly, it happened with me the time I wrote it.

  19. See, honestly, I have a firm belief that my life is my own. And having said this, I agree that a lot of times parents do try to put it on us and load us with their viewpoint. But...if you're making your own life...if you're building a world of your own, you ought to have the authority over your own life. Being responsible towards parents' is different. I believe that if one cannot make one's parents understand that its your life and one need to take certain decisions then one is not strong enough. And as far as what happened with you the time you wrote it then I'll just say that generalising any viewpoint is not something which one should do. Because that's why we call them opinions. I can have one, you can have another.
    I am strong in my opinion that one's life is one's own. You owe to your parents but not in the sense of having the carbon copied ideas of morality and virtue

  20. @ Shruti

    Of course.
    But I strongly detest the social stigmas which are nothing but baseless inhibitions.

  21. hmm..Already too many views on this post give no chance to a dumb like me to express any point of view :D But I don't think this "You-do-what-we-ask-you-to-do" mentality of parents is still there in India. And yes, simple yet well expressed articles of yours kept me hooked for 2 hours :) Nice read. Breathe in, breathe out ! Cheers :D

  22. @ Stranger !

    When such topics come up, this thinking also gets ignited.

    2 hours? wow!! someone spending so much time on the nonsensical stuff I wrote is a big thing for me. Thank you so much!! :)
    And WELCOME to my space! :)