Friday, May 2, 2014

When my fears help me grow.

I don't remember how this fear entered my mind but I've always been scared of cockroaches. I know it is one of the most girly thing in the entire world but even if I hate to be a part of this category, I cannot help it. They are big disgusting insects and sometimes come with wings too. Why God why?!?? When I was in second grade, we shifted to a new city. My mom like always pestered me to meet new people of my size and be friends with them. They came to my place to play in the evening and I tried my best to make a good first impression by flaunting my big kitchen set and feeling proud with every 'ooh' and 'wow' reaction. But all my pride was washed away when a big cockroach entered my t shirt and I screamed in the highest pitch and jumped like a ninja making a complete fool of myself while the little people laughed incessantly. Though that broke the ice and gave me a wonderful childhood, my hatred and fear towards these freaky insects grew to a mountainous extent.

I fear deep dark waters too. I am a swimmer and I learned swimming when I was 6 or 7. Those were the days when I, a four ft. girl could play around with friends in a nine ft. deep pool, all day long and all night too. But as I grew up, this fear of deep dark waters started building up in my head and wrecked my swimming sessions. Now when I step into a pool, nobody in the world has the power to drag me to the deepest portion. I fear that someone might pull my legs from inside the pool and I would eventually drown. And that is perhaps, too much of Aahat (a horror series) etched in my mind.

Then there is fear of elevators. It is attributed to a heart-failing experience where I was with my parents in some old wobbly lift and after going up and down non stop for a couple of minutes, it got stuck somewhere in the middle. It was only when I bawled out and screamed, some people of that apartment came to our rescue. Yes, I was one hell of a screamer! Though I have recovered from the near death experience, I still sometimes fear stepping into an elevator when I am all alone.

Change. This is the most inevitable thing and yet I fear it the most. I fear change! It could be of any form. A change in my regular menu when I visit a restaurant, a change of place where I stay, a change of music that I listen to, a change of people that I like to be with, a change of dreams and aspirations and so on. My friends mock me because I fear to try new things in life. I try it when someone pesters me to but never on my own. And then I'm the one who wishes to travel the world and experience new things. How ironical! May be because somewhere in my mind I have this urge to conquer this fear. Yes, may be this is the reason.

When I am stuck in those days where I have nothing to work on, when I have no aim, no task to do, no movie to watch and no novel to read.. I use these fears and turn them into a purpose. Like stepping out of my comfort zone and be unprepared. A couple of weeks back, I went street shopping alone. I have never done that before and it was a big deal for me because I constantly need someone to fall back on. But that experience, oh it was different. I don't know good different or bad different, but it was something which I have never felt before. Standing alone in the middle of thousands of people and still not feeling depressed. Yes, it was different.

There are many more things that I fear and that scare the hell out of me but I think they are there just to give me a purpose when I lose one. So that makes them good, right! Except of course, cockroaches.

Anyway, you tell me. What are your fears?
_______

22 comments:

  1. i have never actually seen a cockroach before, but i'm sure that if i would've, i would definitely fear them too..

    it's very brave that you try to 'conquer' your fears by getting out of your comfortzone. that's what i fear most, being put in a position where i'm not comfortable. i get nervous when i'm somewhere and i don't know what to expect. that's a fear too, losing control. that's why i'll never use drugs or drink so much that i don't know where i am anymore.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are so lucky for not facing a cockroach ever!

      Oh yes, that feeling of not knowing what lies ahead..that scares me too! But there are some days when I feel wise and strong enough to face them. :)

      Delete
  2. Ughh those winged monsters! I'm mighty scared of lizards and their wobbly tails :o
    and heights!! I try not to face my fears (yea I am quite the spineless one) but when there is no way around it, I just let it be and face the hell out of them. :|
    You know the cliched "take deep breaths"...turns out it works !

    ReplyDelete
  3. Cockroaches are disgusting-the bame alone freaks me out! My strangest fear would probably be the x-files theme song, which is completely pointless but it haunts me nonetheless!

    ashley-ashstash.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haha.. most of our fears are pointless. So that's completely okay! :)

      Delete
  4. Worms creep the hell out of me and elevators too! And I have this irrational fear of masks...like they are alive or something *Shudders* :D But yes, it takes immense will power to get out of your comfort zone and congrats! You did it! <3 :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fear of masks? That's different! Maybe I'll wear a mask and come to meet you, someday.

      Delete
  5. I fear change too... it's the fear of the unknown... can I adapt or not...? unreasonable, but still it's fear.... I want to go shopping alone one day...:)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Do that! It is fun to be yourself.. you can ogle for as long as you want and still not buy a thing. Nobody will judge you. :P

      Delete
  6. I AM SOOO SCARED OF COCKROACHES, SPIDERS, DARKNESS....I am also scared of being in the bathtub. AAHAT did it for me too! What if some ghost drowns me in the bathtub :P

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahhaha.. Maybe this is why our parents made it illegal for us to watch Aahat and Anhoni :D

      Delete
  7. I hate it even more when cockroaches fly! I hate insects of all sorts... Even slimy creatures like frogs get me screaming ( if you have been in Kerala during the monsoons, you'll know what I'm talking about!).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. During my stay in Kanpur, I faced almost all kinds of fearful creatures which could possibly haunt a home. From snakes to frogs..everything! -_-

      Delete
  8. I have a fear for heights.So, being me, I went bungy jumping.But I'm still afraid.xx

    dreaming is believing

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wow! that's pretty cool. I have this thing on my wish list but I doubt if I'd be able to do it unless of course someone pushes me off the edge. :P

      Delete
  9. OMG! I can't believe that we are so alike. I am a swimmer and I learnt swimming around the same age as you did. I love swimming so much that I can just be in the pool all day. This fear of deep waters came as I grew up and saw a couple of the shark movies but still in a pool, I try to overcome my fear. My mind would run crazy but yet I force myself to go through it so that it won't affect my one favourite sport - swimming.

    Cockroaches- yeah, disgusting and yikes! If I see a cockroach, I have to kill it before it reaches anywhere near 10 feet near me. Brrrrr... Thinking of them makes me uncomfortable.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I haven't been in a pool for sooo long. Every summer I make up my mind to go through it but it somehow goes in vain. :/

      Delete
  10. I hate rats! Not a fear per se, but I find them icky to the core.

    I fear darkness. That's about it!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahha.. fear of darkness.. how could I forget this!!!

      Delete
  11. Fears, such a common word and yet so difficult to think about when it comes to oneself. Thanks to your post, i did a bit of introspection and realized that i fear being lonely.. not that i am right now (touchwood). But just the thought of it scares me to death.. probably because the fact that i have always had someone to depend upon.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I completely understand. I feel the same! But we should try to fight back our fears because it helps us to grow. I do the same and I hope you would try it too.

      Thank you for dropping by. :)

      Delete